People pleasing is the desire to make
others happy (or prevent their anger) at your own expense. You feel so
uncomfortable with conflict or disappointing others that you're willing to do
just about anything to avoid it. You're addicted to the approval and good
feelings that come from making people happy and comfortable, as you tend to
their needs over your own. It makes you feel validated and worthy. Over time you
begin to lose confidence in yourself, because you've lost sight of who you are,
what you want in the relationship, or how to live your life on your own
terms.
Action Steps: If you recognize yourself as a
people pleaser and see how it's harming your relationship, then it's past time
to do something about it. This week, choose one situation with your partner or
another person you please where you stand up for yourself, say no, or make your
own decision—even if it causes conflict. Remain strong. Don't give in even if
you encounter anger or withdrawal by your partner. Resist the need to
over-explain yourself or to over-apologize for your decision. If necessary,
leave the room or hang up the phone until he/she calms down.
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