Quite often we lose confidence in
ourselves or in the relationship because we're hyper-focused on the negative. We
only see our flaws and weaknesses and fear our partner will reject us as a
result. Or we only see our partner's flaws and believe the relationship is
doomed. Maybe we've had bad relationships in the past, and the memory of those
infects our thinking about our current relationship. However, reality is rarely
as negative as we perceive it to be. It might appear negative because that's all
we focus on.
Action Steps: Refer back to the list of positive
qualities you bring to your relationship. Then make a list of all of the
valuable qualities of your partner and what you love about him/her, as well as a
list of the ways your partner is better for you than any previous bad
relationships. Finally make a list of all of the wonderful aspects of your
relationship. Keep this list handy for times when negative thoughts about your
relationship creep back in.
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